Why can’t I make a decision?
3 minutes pass as I stand in front of the sandwich counter at the entrance to the cafe.
People hurried around me diving in to grab a sandwich and hurrying past me as I apologise for standing in their way. I pick up a sandwich and then promptly put it back down. Hmmm, chicken salad… No, not today. Perhaps a salad, instead of a sandwich? Tuna salad might be nice. I pick it up and wander up and down the shelf but then feel inclined to put it back down in favour of something else that’s caught my eye. This goes on for a whole 3 minutes but feels much longer…
Why can’t I make a decision?!
I feel the eyes of one of the diners at the cafe looking over and I find myself wondering if they are thinking I’m the most indecisive person they’ve ever seen. I continue standing there and now notice that I’m being distracted by what I think someone else is thinking.
Focus, Sharon, focus!!
I finally just pick up a sandwich, any old sandwich, and head out the door to catch my train. The time pressure has forced me to make a decision, any more procrastination would mean me missing my train.
As I settled in my seat on the train I stopped to think about what just happened.
Why was it so hard to make a simple decision? What’s wrong with me?
My default in the past might have been to go down the well-worn neural pathway, supporting the narrative that, ‘there’s something wrong with me, other people are decisive why can’t I be more decisive?’ Followed by some unkind mental chatter with all the supporting evidence as to why I’m not good at being decisive. Thankfully, I changed that operating program many years ago!
However, my questioning did lead me to some useful information.
I realised that I wasn’t being very kind to myself but in a different kind of way.
My son was sick and hadn’t been sleeping, he’s had quite a nasty cough, which meant that he’d been sleeping alongside me because it was worse at night. For the last 4 weeks, we haven’t slept a full night and on occasion, we’ve spent hours watching Netflix so he could position himself more upright and take his mind off feeling so poorly. I’m quite an expert on Japanese Anime cartoons now.
By day I’d been pushing myself to work in the same way as I normally would, with meetings and clients and teaching commitments in between looking after Ethan.
So, by the time I reached ‘procrastination central’ at the train station my fuel tank was empty, I was exhausted and pretty much in zombie mode.
I had the sudden realisation that my expectations of myself were way too high.
Why was I expecting myself to continue my day-to-day work as if everything was normal and as if my batteries were fully charged and I was raring to go?
I was pushing myself too hard, my wheels were spinning and because I wasn’t achieving as much as I normally would I was pushing myself harder.
I’m wondering if this sounds familiar to you too. It’s such a toxic pattern!
Thank goodness I recognised what was going on.
It led to me changing a few beliefs.
‘I nurture and support myself in the same way I nurture and support my children.’
‘It’s okay for me to put rest at the top of my agenda and I prioritise this when I need to.’
‘Daily self-care practices are as important to me as my work and I always make time for them.’
I’ve had to reschedule a couple of meetings these past few weeks too and that also led me to change a few beliefs. I realised that I struggled with letting people down and would rather continue down the track to burnout than ask if it was okay to reschedule.
The last few weeks have reminded me that, for me, gifts always come out of challenges and over the years I’ve trained myself to see them as well as appreciate them.
I realise that it can be helpful to know how to recognise overwhelm and to have some strategies to employ when it arises.
Recognising overwhelm:-
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions.
- Feeling stressed or anxious.
- Physical symptoms; headaches, muscle tension, tiredness, disruption to sleep patterns.
- Emotional symptoms; irritability, mood swings, lack of motivation/drive, feeling weepy.
Strategies:-
- Take time to rest and prioritise self-care.
- Healthy nutritious food and regular exercise can counter feelings of overwhelm, enabling you to access those happy hormones while giving you more energy.
- Get comfortable with saying no to things that drain your energy or that are not essential.
- Do something simple every day that just brings you joy.
- Mindfulness, meditation and breathing exercises can help too.
- If tasks feel overwhelming, break them down into more manageable chunks and be realistic in allowing time to achieve them.
- There is also no shame in asking for help if you’re struggling too.
And some of the science…
From a practical perspective, I know that when I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed I am in a spilt-brained state. If my left hemisphere has shut down, in the moment, it makes total sense that I’m unable to make a decision! PSYCH-K® helps me to transform the perception of stress, using whole-brain integration techniques that allow me to cut through the overwhelm and its what I turn to when I’m feeling this way.
Is feeling overwhelmed something you’ve struggled with too?
I hope my reflections are useful. Feel free to reach out if I can help in any way.
Much love
Sharon xo
PS : I also laughed out loud last week when I realised I was overwhelmed about writing this about overwhelm!! Ah, the irony!! Cue another PSYCH-K® Balance to Transform the Perception of Stress into a State of Peace.
